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Tubs and Grudges

Are you good at holding a grudge?  I think I’ve let most of mine go, but sometimes old feelings sneak up and I realize bad vibes are still brewing.  For instance, I had this college roommate that I held in super high esteem, and some (small to medium) part of me wanted to belong to the same squeaky clean group that she was part of.  Life at the time seemed so much easier given a strict set of rules and roles.  Many years after college, long after losing contact, she messaged me out of the blue and said “hey girl, are you getting married yet or what, I want to come to Arizona for the wedding!”  I followed up with something about how I had met a woman, and that while marriage may or may not be a goal, I was truly in a good and happy space (a repeat song, but still love it…people from all over the world are making their own videos!).  That was quite a few years ago now and no further communication has occurred.  I know she is part of a religious community that does not support same-sex relationships, so there’s no mystery as to what happened.  And I admit that I still carry at least a small grudge.  My question to both of us – her for the cut-off in communication, me for holding the grudge – “what’s the point?”  On both counts it’s unnecessary negative energy being put forth or harbored.  It’s something I’m actively trying to come to terms with.  One of many things I took from a fabulous stint in therapy is how to respond to people when you’re not living life the way they think you ought to (in minuscule and gigantic ways).  The magic words:  “I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad about this, I hope you find a way to feel better.”  Don’t you love that?  Obviously you should say it (or in my case, project it to the universe) with genuine feeling, but the reality is that you can’t solve other peoples’ feelings and troubles for them.

 

On a related note, of all the people I know, intimately or loosely, I’d say 0.05% had a problem when I revealed that I was in a relationship with a woman and that I suspected it was going to be a long term pairing (I’m counting on another 60 years, at least).  In fact, most responses were on the underwhelming side of things.  What I have found over the years is that most people just want other people to be happy in very basic ways.  Hooray for that!

 

Anyway.

 

I currently have the flu.  Fever, chills, bone and joint pain, you name it.  Therefore, I lacked the motivation to write a proper garden-oriented post today.  The one thing I will say is that you can feel free to drop off one of those steel horse tanks, the 2′ wide x 4′ long x 3′ tall variety, so I can have a bathtub to sit in for the next day or two.  I will then promptly turn it into an amazing fish pond and tell you how to do the same.  What a bargain!  Seriously though, those tanks make super cool ponds, and soon I will show you some that my friend has in his yard, and maybe he’ll help with a step-by-step tutorial.  We’ll see!

 

horse tank

 

 

1 Comment
  1. You crack me up with your offer to allow people to bring you a steel tub to bathe in…hehe! I’m so sorry you have the flu! I hope you didn’t get it from me 😉 I just had it this weekend. What I love is that despite you having the flu you also had the wits to write this thoughtful post. I’m amazed actually because when I am sick my brain just usually shuts right off. Anyway. I digress. I’m so happy that you, my friend, are happy and have found such an amazing person to share your life with! And thanks for the advice about how to handle people who are disapproving of a life choice. Love that line!

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